Quote:
Originally Posted by purepremiumpulp
Mileage is cool but for what reason? Do you do it to save money or to conserve the environment?
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Come to think of it, I don't know why I do it.
I really should make an effort to assimilate with society and a good start would be to mortgage my entire existence to build a new McMansion 100 miles from my job, get an Expedition (Oh- I must remember to stop by the muffler shop on the way home from the dealer to put some open duals on there), a wife (short term, long term, who cares, they'll make more), and start filling the whole works up with kids (we're gonna
NEED all the deductions!!!
). Actually she can have the Expedition; I'll get me a Hummer with rubber testicles for those inclement weather days and an open-pipe Hardley Ableson for the rest and go WOT at every opportunity. We'll both warm our engines up for at least 1/2 hour before use; hers via auto-start and mine by sitting there in the driveway blipping the throttle.
(WHOA. Inspiration!!! My next million dollar invention!!! Autostarts for bikes AND trucks that blip the throttle for you while you wait!!! 
) I'll instruct wife to treat the gas pedal as an on/off switch; she better be either flooring the gas or flooring the brakes, none of this in-between nonsense (she already knows this but as the Man of the House I want to make sure she is aware of my superior Guy Knowledge About Mechanical Things). We will both be using cell phones for the duration of any trips; if I can't think of any real business to tend to- that would be most of the time- I will call her up and discuss what's for dinner and who will walk our barking dog to where, and when. When the kids get big enough (6 months on up) I will start 'em on go-karts and dirt bikes, all with straight pipes, until they are big enough to handle ricermobiles.