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Going to sound like one of my english teachers but.....
1st whats your thesis? You start as if you want to say why you can't hook up an MIMA system to other cars, then split off into a defination of what the MIMA is, followed by a brief history about yourself and your past experiences. You have alot of content but it feels like its all over the place
2nd, its way to long for a mission statement. Good for a bio, but for the average joe they will probably zone out around the 2nd page. I was interested in the document and I began to speed read than skim by the end of page 3-4
You reference the florida email twice, 1st time using them to reference the state of the people, the second time as a plea for further development. A unique e-mails would sound better.
My guess is that you are trying to say that you need increased funding for the MIMA and related projects and that the state of the world demands such developments?
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