My Odyssey also does better in Neutral at a stop. .45 gph vs .6 in Drive.
A warm-engine start is very gentle on the engine and starter. My civic (manual, so the idle in N vs D is irrelevant) has 185,000 miles on the original starter, ~40,000 of that with serious hypermiling. It's fine.
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11-mile commute: 100 mpg - - - Tank: 90.2 mpg / 1191 miles
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