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Given that you are in Washington, I can appreciate your desire for 4wd; however, and please don't take offense at this, I am concerned that you have the same misconceptions as my parents: "larger equals safer." What you trade for your ability to bulldoze other vehicles is the nimbleness and agility to avoid accidents altogether.
Personally, it sounds to me like you could do very well with just about any of the lighter 4wd/awd cars and CUVs on the market right now. Used, you'd probably need to stick to Subaru or something similar.
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