Thanks for the suggestions guys. I've asked a friend about it and he said he had his alternator rebuilt locally for $40- the same price for a reman unit. (on a 78 Impala) I'd rather just get a reman or new one to avoid the trouble (since I don't have a car to drive in the mean time). Another friend works at a shop and he's going to get me a deal on one.
I don't have the time to take it apart and replace the brushes or whatever seems to be wrong- I didn't even have time to grease my bicycle's bearings over Thanksgiving weekend. But the car is kind of a priority, as it's the gateway to my social life. :/
I'm not going to point the exhaust back toward the car, even if it is the undercarriage. If nothing else it would just coat everything in black soot.
Oh, and there is a ~2" wide drain hole open in the spare tire well.
Edit: Apparently "a blown fuse in the lamp circuit can cause a no charge". Guess I have to check my sockets. They are the expected culprit for the broken left turn signal so... I really f*ing hope that's the answer because it would be two birds with one stone.