[AaronMartinSole]

So I just did an under car inspection, and I drained all of my oil and replaced the oil filter. I just need to pick up a drain plug gasket tomorrow.

Saw a whole bunch of interesting things under there. First of all, I need to invest in a floor jack, because a scissors and bottle jack just isn't enough. Took me literally an hour to jack up the car high enough so that I could go under it with a creeper. But it was worth it being able to roll around down there like spiderman or something.

Definitely need a new CV boot. I'm just going to replace the entire CV axle because it's not too expensive at $50 and I think the car will like me for it. I try to baby her but she's so fussy. I keep telling her a K&N air filter in the long run isn't good for her, but she's incorrigible. Calls me cheap for giving her a paper air filter. IT'S BETTER FOR YOU HONEY. NO I AM NOT CALLING YOU FAT. Baby I'm sorry. Hey... remember that crazy oil test with the Valvoline Durablend? Remember? Did you see what I got you? That's right. No Civvy, Carol (my Corolla) will always be my wife. I AM NOT HAVING THIS FIGHT AGAIN. NO CV AXLE FOR YOU! Go hopping on a broken heel and then see how you feel! I JUST ADVANCED YOUR TIMING BABY. Something's wrong with me.

Do I need a new ball joint? Lol I think the answer is yes, but I wish I didn't.

One possible cause for my extremely high NOx readings is an exhaust leak. So I need to check for that. I've sort of tried the rag in the muffler trick, but I didn't really see anything. I'll try it again tomorrow. There were some exhaust gas it seemed like coming from the exhaust manifold. I was hoping it was just some splashed oil burning. I'll check again tomorrow. If it is an exhaust leak, then I will very very sad.

Got some weird oily stalactites growing off my exhaust pipe. Any ideas what they are or what might be causing them? I've also got a crack and I've attached a picture of it, in my exhaust pipe. Not sure if it matters.

I am very afraid that I might need a new catalytic converter or new exhaust pipe. Hopefully it's just like a gasket or something a little JB WELD WON'T FIX, RIGHT? Oh man, you know a part of me hates this California smog thing. I've lived in states where they didn't need this fascist regime regulation, but at the same time, if I didn't get a smog check, I might have never known that my car wasn't running well or that there was a problem. Like OBDII was meant primarily for emissions purposes, right? But today we see OBDII as a diagnostic tool. So I kind of like that about smog, you know? Yeah, it's primarily about emissions, but it's sort of a doctor's check up. Like a blood test really. You can tell so much about someone's health just from a blood test. And you can tell a lot about a car's health just from a smog check.

I'm also going to try replacing my PCV valve and cleaning out my EGR. This will probably take me ten hours. 3 hours to find what an EGR valve is and where it is, and then 7 hours to remove and clean it.

And I just replaced my air filter. Those K&N air filters pass more dirt they say, especially when new and non-oiled? or something? But they do add a teensy bit of performance and fuel economy. I opted for the cheap paper filter. Some things are just... staples.

Also my list of things to do is as follows so far:
-CV Axle
-Ball Joint
-Fuel Filter
-Anti-Freeze
+Check Spark Plugs (oh... maybe I should check the resistance of the wires.)
+Check for exhaust leaks (this is a big one.)
+Clean EGR (exhaust gas re-circulation) valve (lol what is this and what does it do)

-Transmission Fluid
-Brake Flush
-Accessory Belts
-Coolant Flush

So, here is another plea for help. My NOx readings are like, if you somehow harnessed the methane emissions from a hundred cows, compressed it into a tank, and then threw a grenade right next to it. It's like the pollution that this car emits is the equivalent of what the entire state of Wyoming produces. It's like this car alone was responsible for the smog that now covers Beijing. It's like I've discovered the secret to poisoning and suffocating as many trees and small animals as quickly as possible. It's like this car was created by oil company demons as a dirty insult to the earth. This is the car that made the Indian man in the commercial cry. It's like I'm single-handedly responsible for leaving the carbon footprint of a thousand dinosaurs. It's like this car is the reason the dinosaurs became extinct. It's like this car single-handedly makes up for all the carbon savings of ten-thousand Priuses. I cannot believe how high my NOx readings are. Someone said, "Check to see even if you HAVE a catalytic converter." Lol, I might as well not have one. HC is high too, proportionally, twice the allowed limit, CO maybe 30% higher, and NOx over three times the legal amount. I'm still reading around and looking, but if anyone has any ideas, I'd be thankful. Man I hope I don't need a $200 catalytic converter. I found a place on Craigslist that offered $160 for one installed, but I trust no one and nothing on Craigslist, heh. Ohhh, I could check my cat with a thermometer gun. One temperature is supposed to be this much hotter before and after the cat or something like that. I could get one of those guns at the HABBA. Where'd you get that? AT THE HABBA KID. The haabaa... (My impression of a guy from Boston who really likes Harbor Freight. So, that's what that was.)

Best part: someone tried taping over the busted CV Boot. AHMAZING.