[Beau]

Ford Man - I just said a prayer for God's healing.

I was in a somewhat similar situation several years ago. After a lot of mysterious back and forth and secretive/strange behavior on her part, it turned out my then-wife was having an affair. She was the Director of Contemporary Praise Music at our Church and the Choir Director was her affair partner. This was her 2nd affair. I felt like a fool, because some of the behavior of her first affair was repeated, and I didn't see it (maybe because I didn't want to).

After the first affair, I gave her a leap of faith. I decided to trust her again, regardless. And everyone (me and my children -- everyone except my then-wife) did all the things needed to heal. And then she did it a second time several years later. After the 2nd time - I filed for divorce. I had Biblical grounds to divorce her (and even to remarry) after the 1st affair, but I did not want another man raising my three children.

After the second time, I was done.

That may not be what you want to hear. However, my experience tells me that women rarely just up and leave. From what I have read, women (unlike men) develop a secret escape plan and then wait until a later time implement it, once they have put all the pieces in place. That may not apply here, I don't know.

In my case, I found something she'd written to her affair partner. They had actually planned to make it look as if they each "decided they couldn't take it any longer, and had to leave - and just happened to run into one another's arms and fall in love". Seriously. The mind of the narcissist is all about how things are going to make them look.

Here is all you can do: Be the best and Godliest man you can be. Given each choice you have to make, always choose the best one (realizing there is a huge difference between being nice and being good). So, always choose good; the one that edifies God. More times than not, this means intentionally doing (or not doing) something other than what "feels right" or seems justified. Trusting your emotions and feelings is very frequently a mistake. Go with what you know to be true.

Here is what you cannot do: You cannot control or manipulate the situation. Because God gave us free will, we cannot control the actions of others.

I would also like to offer that prayers can be answered in ways we do not expect. Mine were answered in ways that I could not imagine, and I am all the better for it.

I am sorry for what you are going through. I hope my comments above don't seem unfair or too doomsday-like, that is not my intention.