I took the non-engineer approach
i have a very similar scenario. No mains water connection (rain water tank only) and a septic system. Initially, toilet is connected to pump running from rainwater supply. Being a typical engineer, i thought of a myriad of ways to use either shower water or laundry water, via a complex series of t-connections, holding tanks, float valves and the like.
Then it occured to me. Showering over a bucket, i can collect at least 9 litres (during a 4 minute shower) of soapy water or half that of cleaner water, each time. The toilet uses about 5 litres on the half flush cycle (a great aussie invention that one!!). A full five litres is more than enough to flush anything and is probably overkill for light duties.
To complicate things, the toilet is adjacent but in a different room to the shower (which would necessitate complex piping and pumps if opting for a automated approach).
MY SOLUTION:
Turn off the rainwater feed completely. Fill the cistern with my collected 9L of water from a bucket (the cistern holds about 12L). That gives 2 flushes during the day. In the evening, the baby has her bath, which leaves plenty of bucketfulls to flush down any of the duties which have been left to linger, and then top off the cistern once again. By day 2, my shower water is not needed immediately, thereby allowing me to leave the bucket next to the toilet during the day, in case a top-off is required.
For those that don't bathe an infant on a daily basis, its quite easy to collect a bucket-full of either laundry water or sink water (preferably filtered) to use within 12-24 hours.
To reverse the process, remove the bucket from the toilet room and turn the clean water tap back on.
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