I agree with a lot of what you say, but your impression of the capacity of the domestic mains is rather Daily Mail/Guardian.
You can run a 10Kw electric shower, a 2 Kw heater (that is my bathroom described), a cooker and a kettle, no problem.
Your house will have 2x32 Amp Ring mains (2x8 Kw), a cooker circuit and a shower circuit.
A Tesla will charge overnight at 7.4 Kw.
As a retired electrical engineer let me assure you, plugging an EV in won't melt your electrics.
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