[Xist]

Monkeys Are Bad People
By: Logan Whitehurst & The Junior Science Club

4Son: Hey, Daddy!

Father: Ha ha, yes son?

Son: I'm hungry.

Father: Well, what would you like to eat, son?

Son: Can I have a banana?

Father: A what?

Son: Um, a banana.

Father: We don't have any bananas, son.

Son: Why not, daddy?

Father: Why not? Well, because bananas are monkey food, and I don't think we need any disgusting, yellow, smushy monkey food in our well lit, sanitized, and bacteria-free home, son, that's why not.

Son: Everything always comes down to monkeys with you, daddy.

Father: So why the sudden interest in bananas, son? You, you have a monkey in your backpack, don't you?

Son: Um...

Father: You found a monkey, and you've been keeping him fed on monkey food, haven't you?

Son: No, I don't have a monkey in my backpack.

Father: Son, need I remind you of the monkey song?

Son: Oh, god!

Father: Come here, son. Have a seat here at the piano with me.

Son: Daddy, I know the monkey song, you-you-you don't need to--. Daddy, please, not the monkey song. I've heard this song so many times.

Father: Son, I'm teaching you a lesson here, a lesson about monkeys.

Son: You're insane.

Father:
Monkeys can't be trusted with your business.
They're sneaky and dishonest through and through.
Monkeys can't speak English, so they can't tell the truth.
Monkeys are bad people, and so are you.

Son: Daddy, I'm not a bad person.

Father: Keep eating bananas like that, you will be soon.

Son: Why can't I have a normal dad, like all the other kids?

Father:
Add a k to money, you get the word monkey. M-o-n-K-e-y.
Monkey may see, but monkey don't pay his due. No he don't.
The love of evolution has its evil, evil roots.
Monkeys are bad people, and so are you.

Son: I don't understand what I did to deserve this.

Father: This is for your own good, son.

Son: That's what you said about the perm you gave me!

Father:
King Kong was a monkey too big to be kept in a zoo.
Which is not a bad thing, 'cause he liked to fling
Thousand pound fistfuls of stinky ol' King Kong poo.

Son: That's really gross, daddy.

Father: Why don't you come on over here and take a solo, son?

Son: I don't think so.

Father: You want your allowance, don't you?

Ooh, that wasn't so good son.

Son: Move over. Move over!

Father: I've got lots of room here. You're shoving. You're...

Son: I'm not shoving!

Father: You're not doing what you're supp... what are you...

Son: I'm doing what...

Father: Are you done yet, son? Move over.

Son: Ah, that was pretty good.

Father: Hey, look out.

Son: AAH!

Father:
Think about the future.
What if Charlton Heston was right?
If the monkeys take over, we'll be their slaves
And frankly, the thought keeps me wide awake at night.

Why don't you just let the little monkey out of your backpack so he can scamper away?

Son: I said I don't have a monkey, dad!

Father:
Monkeys make amore out in public.
Providing little children with a view.
(INNOCENT LITTLE CHILDREN!)
They're lewd and they're indecent,
and there's nothing we can do.
Monkeys are bad people, monkeys are bad people,
Monkeys are bad people and so are you!

Son, you see why you can't keep the monkey?

Son: There's no monkey in my backpack, see? Look! I don't have a monkey, no monkey!

Father: There's no monkey in your backpack!

Son: I TOLD... I told you I don't have a monkey in there.

Father: Well, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, eh son?

Son: I'm gonna go feed the tiger.

Father: Have fun. Alright, hehe.