[Xist]

She must have liked my red 1987 Honda Prelude Si because she kept talking to me. Unfortunately, she married someone else--and continued talking to me for a while.

She was the one that I tried to take hiking, but got my 1990 Accord stuck.

So, there I was, staying overnight at a random Forward Operating Base in Afghanistan and I received an e-mail from a girl that I dated a few years earlier. Her family hated me, but she said that it was because if she married me they couldn't control her anymore, and because I wanted her to make her own decisions.

Somehow this other guy worked his way in. I guess that she was accustomed to people bossing her around, so he fit perfectly.

Excuse me if we are in TMI territory, but as much as I thoroughly enjoy kissing, that isn't why I kiss women. I kiss them because they are important to me and I want to show it, but usually they kiss me first or let me know they are tired of waiting.

I dated this girl on and off for a year and nine months. It never felt right to kiss her or ask her to marry me, but I did make it clear that I loved her and wanted to marry her. I was just trying to figure out what we were supposed to do, not just what I wanted.

My wisdom teeth did not come in until I was twenty-four or so. I had difficulty getting Friday afternoon off so that I could have them removed, but I did not care about them. I needed four root canals [and four crowns]! If the wisdom teeth weren't causing my immediate problems then I wanted to take care of the root canals (and crowns) first.

I paid $1,296 for the wisdom teeth extractions and about $500 each for four root canals and I think two crowns.

My credit card was maxed out and the benefits lady tricked me out of getting coverage.

The dentist gave me a big filling, which was redone a couple of times before I could afford crowns.

My sister was fired for being pregnant. I understand, she is even more unbearable than normal when she is pregnant! Mom thought she was the perfect person to take care of me after having my wisdom teeth removed, but she did not account for my sister being pregnant--and mean.

So, she drove me to her apartment, had me put a sheet on her couch, and had me lie down and watch television. She kept giving me ziplock bags of ice, but one had a leak, and she yelled at me because it got the sheet wet. She ordered me to hang it on her balcony to dry. So, I opened the door, took a step, and started laying out the sheet, but she yelled at me to close the door, so I let go of the sheet, turned around, closed the door, turned back around, finished laying out the sheet, conducted an about-face, opened the door, and walked in.

It really seemed like turning around and closing and opening the door took longer than laying out the sheet.

So, there I am, not running on all cylinders, and my sister is yelling at me for stupid reasons.

I told her that I was leaving.

"Fine!"

"You're a bad sister. I am in no shape to drive!"

Good thing I brought stale bread to feed the fish and ducks in her pond!

They completely ignored the bread, so I drove home, and somehow made it safely. However, I thought the pond would be a great place to take that girl, so I came back with her. I just remember sitting at a picnic table with her and talking. For some reason I laid down on the bench and kept talking.

She laid down on the table and kept talking.

So this wonderfully beautiful girl that I loved intensely was inches from my face and I realized that it was the perfect opportunity to kiss her--except I did not need to.

Somehow I was happier knowing that I didn't need to kiss her. She was happy to just be with me.

Years later I realized that as important as it was for me that she made her own decisions I never allowed her to make that one. The other guy kissed her early and she married him.

He moved her to Maricopa, about an hour from anywhere, away from her family, away from me, and memories of me. They had a kid and she was home all day alone with the baby and her own thoughts. Things were not going well when she reached out to me. I kept asking what she liked most about him, what she enjoyed most while they were dating, etc. It always came back to what she liked most about me and when we were dating.

She liked that I am 6'2" and a base. He is 5'7" and a tenor. He also sings in a foreign language at Church.

I always tried to come up with things that she would enjoy and we made our plans together.

He invited her over, showed her some pre-selected DVDs, and asked her which movie she wanted to watch first. She was able to choose the movie, but he already selected it.

We went hiking. We made dinner together. We just went for a drive. We stared at the stars and talked.

In Season 3, Episode 7 of "Monk," Adrian ran into his old partner, portrayed by Enrico Colantoni, who had been kicked off the force, and everyone was convinced that Colantoni was dirty. Monk figured out that Colantoni was framed and got him reinstated.

We didn't see him again.

Anyway, Colantoni said that before Trudy was killed, Adrian laughed all of the time.

Monk hardly laughed in eight seasons.

When I spent time with that girl, we laughed until our faces hurt.

I almost never laugh anymore. It is almost like I have Adrian Monk's personality--just not the blessings, only the curse.

Maybe she never believed that I loved her. Maybe she convinced herself that I didn't. Her family convinced her to sever contact three times. I think that her husband convinced her to sever contact three times. The first five times she resumed contact, but I have not heard from her since I came home from Germany in 2012, which certainly seems healthy.

She had just reached out to me when she started dating her future husband. Apparently she constantly told him about me.

Who the heck dates someone that constantly talks about someone else?

She had always wanted a certain type of wedding dress and ring. When she couldn't find the dress that she wanted he told her that if she didn't hurry up and find something, he would choose a dress and wear it himself.

If I ever mastered time and space, I would want to go back to that exact moment and tell him "Do it," then turn to her and say "Hello beautiful." However, it would make far more sense to go back to the last time that I saw her before she got married.

She had not talked to me in a year and her cousin transferred from one community college to another. The cousin never went anywhere without the girl that I dated--and she always had the girl that I dated do things for her. The cousin would call her during class and have her fetch things like textbooks and sodas. The girl needed to answer the phone during class, harken, and obey.

This was before vibrating phones were common. On one of our first dates, I drove her to Best Buy, bought a vibrating battery, and installed it on her phone, so at least her phone wouldn't ring when she disturbed her class.

Anyway, when she resumed contact, she called me from a payphone at that community college. I do not know if I saw the call, just that I missed one from a strange local number. Two nights later she called from a different payphone, but this time she left a message, just "Hey there," barely audible, but I knew her voice!

I must have listened to it dozens of times. I absolutely knew that it was her, but she had told me that she never wanted to hear from me again. I finally called that second number and some girl walking by said "This is a payphone at Scottsdale Community College."

So I called her cell phone and she asked "What are you doing?! My family tracks my phone calls!"

We exchanged a few e-mails, but she always held back. I wanted to marry her, but I just wanted my friend back--ideally to marry, but I just wanted my friend.

I missed her horribly.

She mentioned that she was a Sunday School teacher and asked "Can I duct-tape my boys to their chairs?"

I knew when and where she met, so after the first meeting, I walked in one door, passed her in the hall, and told her "Hey there." She said "Hey there" as I continued walking, left through the other door, and drove home.

Well, I finally saw her, and she was as beautiful as ever.

The thing is, when she realized that it was me, she had someone watch her kids, and she came after me, but she was too late.

So, if I mastered time and space, I would come back to that point, lean against my Prelude, and wait for the woman of my dreams to walk out that door. Then I would say "Hey beautiful, I miss your hugs."

The 5'7" tenor wouldn't have stood a chance.

By the way, her engagement ring had a diamond from his first engagement. After my ten-day engagement I sold the ring and had someone recommended holding onto the diamond for the future, I never would have considered it.

I hope that she is happy.