share and enjoy a laugh

[Weather Spotter]

I need a good laugh once and a while. I have enjoyed the you know you are an ecomodder thread but need a few more laughs in my day.

I want this thread to be one filled with things that will make you laugh.

If you have one share it.

Need one read it.

[Weather Spotter]

Ill start it off.

Last Friday the boss took the whole company out to lunch (we all fit into is SUV). Over lunch I commented on the radar detector on his dash. Commute comparisons got into full swing. One person commented on how her traffic was "all going 80" (in a 70 zone) so she "had to" keep pace. Two of the others at the table just looked at me waiting for my response. I answered " I do 55-60 on the highway every day".

Shocked looks from the table. Is it safe they ask? I say I go the speed of the truckers and let the jerks speed past

several ask me if I draft. I do not, but let them know that 2-3 sec back from trucks still boosts my MPG by 3-5.

The boss comments that we will have our first OSHA reportable when the fast lady runs into my airplane without wings.

[Piwoslaw]

Originally Posted by Weather Spotter

Shocked looks from the table. Is it safe they ask? I say I go the speed of the truckers and let the jerks speed past

And your boss - is he still your boss?


Question: Is this thread for funny, but real stories, or for any kind of jokes too? I was thinking about starting an all out joke thread a while back, but then thought about how Darin would hate me for the increased traffic

[Weather Spotter]

I used better tact at the table, so I am still hid employee.

Any and all jokes, stories tails. Just list if they are true or not.

[Piwoslaw]

When I saw the math question (no offence, Christ) I remembered a story I heard many years ago from a math professor at some university in the US. This is supposedly true. He said that when it was time for the final exams in his course he got a note from one of his superiors about one of his students, who happen to have an athletic scholarship: "Mr. X must pass Advanced Calculus because he is good at basketball."

So, since Mr. X hardly ever attended class, but had to pass, he had an individual exam: He came to the prof and had to solve some very easy integral. But he just sat there, staring at it.
So the prof helps him by giving a hint.
Nothing.
So the prof starts explaining basics.
Nothing.
So the prof shows him how to do the first step.
Nothing.
So the prof does the first step.
And the next step. And the next.

What's left is a more or less simple formula where you had to insert numbers and add/subtract/multiply/divide. Somehow the kid is able to do that, but stops when he gets "400 divided by 200".
The prof asks him how much is 400/200, so the student reaches for his calculator, but the prof says that he has to divide it by himself.
Nothing.
So the prof says that he has to leave and do something, but when he gets back in 15 minutes the problem should be finished. He leaves the room and waits in the hall. When he comes back, the kid is still staring at the "400/200", he didn't even use his calculator even though the prof wasn't there.
So the prof sits down and starts to explain:
- "How much is 4 divided by 2?"
- "2"
- "Good. How much is 40/2?"
Short delay
- "20"
- "Good. How much is 400/2?"
Delay
- "200"
- "Very good. So how much is 400/200?"
Very long delay You can see that the boy is trying to think. Suddenly, his eyes open wide, his face lights up, a huge smile appears from ear to ear, his energy-saver lightbulb finally turns on.
- "I get it, this is a trick question: You're not allowed to divide by zero, and there are two zeros in the number you are dividing by!!"

The prof almost fainted. Then he almost killed him. But somehow he got a hold of himself and yelled at the kid to get out of his sight.
The student leaves, the prof calms down, fills out some papers and leaves. When he steps into the hallway he sees the student siting on the floor with a calculator in his hand and a very puzzled expression on his face.

[euromodder]

It's not just the intellectually challenged who make mistakes

At university, we had PhD students helping out the professors teaching us.
One of the PhD students proved something that was plainly wrong, and we lowly, fresh students proved him wrong.
This happened not just once, but 4 or 5 times while he tried to prove his theory in a different way, and every time we've proven him wrong.
He grabbed his stuff, and walked out of class after maybe 15 minutes.
We didn't see him again that day

[myrefugeisintheLord]

Hey, this thread needs to be REVIVED!!

[Piwoslaw]

Two sloths are hanging on a tree, sleeping. After a few days one of them half opens one eye. An hour later he closes it and keeps sleeping.
Two days later the other sloth says: "Henry, you are soooo hyperactive! No more coffee for you."

Two guys are sitting at the edge of a pond. Suddenly an alligator jumps up and tears of one of their legs. The dude says "Y'know, a 'gator just bit off my leg."
"Which one?" Asks the other.
"I dunno. You seen one 'gator, you seen 'em all."

Two guys in a jail cell. One asks the other what he's here for.
- "I robbed a bank, stole a car and killed two cops. And you?"
- "I'm here because of the chicken."
- "Chicken?"
- "Yeah, a chicken came scratching the dirt in my yard and dug up my mother-in-law."

The wife told me that she wants me to buy her something small and shiny which does 0-250 in less than 3 seconds. I got her a bathroom scale.

The wife said she is in the mood to go somewhere expensive. So I drove her to the gas station.

Two teenages are making out and he asks if he can call her Eve.
- "Eve?"
- "Because you are my first."
- "OK. In that case can I call you Fiat?"
- "Fiat?!? Why Fiat?"
- Because you are my 500th."

Classifieds section in a newspaper: "Looking for wife." 813 replies, all of them said "I'll give up mine!"

If swimming keeps you thin, then what are whales doing wrong?

If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how did they stick it to the frying pan?

A group of Germans went to Italy for vacation. On the border the officer says that they can't continue, because there are 5 of them and the car is an Audi Quattro. They explain that "Quattro" is just a model name, not the maximum number of occupants. But the officer don't give up, so they ask to talk to his superior. "He's busy at the moment", the officer explains, "He stopped two Italians in a Fiat Uno."

A guy comes home drunk in the middle of the night. As he enters the hallway the cuckoo clock cuckoos 3 times. The guy thinks "Darn, that woke up the wife, now she'll know time I came back. Hmm, maybe I'll cuckoo another 8 times so she'll think it's only 11." That's what he did, then went to bed.
In the wee hours of the morning the wife starts shaking him to wake him up. He protests, says that it's Saturday morning, he doesn't go to work today. The wife replies that he should get up and fix the cuckoo clock: "Last night it cuckooed 3 times, laughed out loud, belched, cuckooed another 8 times, gave a roar, and threw up on the floor in the bathroom."

[radioranger]

Well this past weekend I was out for an evening with friends and had some cocktails followed by some rather good wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know i may be slightly over the limit so that's when i did something i'd never done before, I took a cab home, Sure enough on the ride home there was a police roadblock, but since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident.This was a real surprise as i'd never driven a cab before. I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage i dont know what the heck to do with it !

[2000neon]

Why does a hypermiler drive at 60 in a 70 zone?

Because he's in a hurry.