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Old 04-26-2015, 02:19 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Cd View Post
My 'girlfriend' had an abusive childhood, and this no doubt had an effect on her emotionally...

Perhaps having too much empathy has caused me to stick with her. I'm still stuck in the belief that I can somehow 'fix' her with enough love, but it hasn't done anything but drain me.
Having empathy is always a good thing. We are all products of genetics and our environment, so in a way we don't really have a choice in how we turn out. Sure, we have the freedom to make any decision we are presented with, but biology and past experiences are going to inform us on how to react. Realizing that people have no say in their genetics or their early development allows us to have compassion for the most unlovable people.

I don't want to discourage you from showing kindness towards this person, but it sounds like she has put up a hard defensive wall as a survival mechanism from the abuse she received. It's likely going to take both counseling, and her own desire to to achieve mental wellness for any progress to be made.

Quote:
I painted a portrait of her, made a necklace, a ring, and even made a small castle for her.
All gifts were like " oh that's nice...( changes subject )
I find some truth to the book, The Five Love Languages. It attempts to simplify the complex subject of love in a relationship. The basic premise is that different people give and receive love in different ways. It may be that your gal doesn't feel most appreciated by gifts.

You can often tell in what way people like to receive love by observing what they do to show it for others.

While the 5 love languages may be over-simplified, it's a good start:

Physical touch
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Acts of service
Gifts

A successful relationship is more likely when both people share similar values on the various types of love.

Tragically, it seems most people don't consider this when they are "in love" and looking to have a long-term relationship. Just because someone is attractive and fun to be with doesn't mean you can live with them or sustain a long-term relationship.

I don't want to get too preachy, especially since I don't know the details of your circumstances, but you should seek a relationship that builds you up, not one that drains you. You sound like a considerate person, and I think everyone around you benefits when you are doing well.

There is a chance you can help this girl, but in the mean time you are being drained and depriving yourself and all of your other relationships of the "bandwidth" you would otherwise have.

Quote:
Funny you should mention the financial bit.
Knowing that no woman wants a man that is poor, I cashed in my company stock and with that money, invested in a stock that has since been rated as one of the best stocks of that year...

So i lost thousands of my money from the sale of the stock, hundreds of thousands had i held, and the continued loss of the shares from the company.

I now fret over the cost of light bulbs, and haven't had a haircut in months to save money. Yeah !

Women are expensive, eh ?
Just curious, was anyone providing financial advice for the decisions you made?

My haircuts have come from various girlfriends over the past decade, and my sister during the long periods of time I was single. Women are expensive, but they should at least save you the cost of a haircut!

The stock market has always scared me (and I'm very comfortable with risk) because it's rigged against the layperson. The best we can reasonably hope for is to achieve the average of the entire market; meanwhile the broker is getting a guaranteed commission regardless of performance. The only people making huge profits are those with insider information (often illegal), and those with computers making micro-second transactions ahead of previously placed orders.

As a general rule, you want to do the opposite of what everyone else is doing. When everyone is buying the most expensive home they can('t) afford in 2005, you should be selling. When the price of fuel plummets and everyone runs out to buy an SUV; purchase the efficient vehicle.

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Old 04-26-2015, 10:34 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpoint5 View Post
........I find some truth to the book, The Five Love Languages. It attempts to simplify the complex subject of love in a relationship. The basic premise is that different people give and receive love in different ways. It may be that your gal doesn't feel most appreciated by gifts.

You can often tell in what way people like to receive love by observing what they do to show it for others.

While the 5 love languages may be over-simplified, it's a good start:

Physical touch
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Acts of service
Gifts

A successful relationship is more likely when both people share similar values on the various types of love.
.....
nice words and well put.

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