Why Nerds are Unpopular

[Piwoslaw]

Nerds are cool
(That's my definition of 'cool')

Clev is right about there being smart people who can be popular. And there are non-popular, non-smart teens, too. It's not mutually exclusive, but there is something true about smart/ugly being a lower catagory than nice looking teens who make up for their lack of advanced intelligence.

I went to junior high school in the US. The popular crowd ('A' category) was made up of white, good looking kids with rich parents. Kids who where not rich, or not white, or just plain ugly, had almost no chance. If you weren't pretty, but could afford NIKE's, and you didn't take the schoolbus but your folks drove you to school, then you still could make it into the 'B' category. Almost all of the populars were in the football, soccer or lacrosse team, none of them spent much (or any) time in the library, or were in the Star Trek club, etc. A jock beating up (psysically or verbally) someone from a lower category was OK, but not vice versa.

At some point, not without sacrifices, I got my first pair of NIKE's. At around the same time, I flunked one subject and got into some trouble, and guess what? My popularity went up! Sad, but true. But soon my life took a dramatic U-turn for the much better and, well, here I am.

Yes, grown-ups see that losing sleep over school popularity is nonsense, but it's not easy to explain that to kids who already think they are smarter than their old folks. But seems to be a universal properties of teenagers.

[blueflame]

In NZ if I fall out with people, its almost always after I have asserted some intelligence.

We have the tall poppy syndrome ( Tall poppy syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ), where you cut someone down to size if their head rises above the rest.

[Bicycle Bob]

Usually, if you want to help people, you have to put most of your effort into diplomacy and sugar-coating, or they will waste your time, at least.
The mark of a great leader is that after people have come together and done a mighty work, they think they did it spontaneously.
(Badly tranlated from a Chinese sage)
You can get almost anything done if you don't care who gets the credit.
- Winston Churchill

[gone-ot]

...a (somewhat) collorary is: "...pick the right people, and stay out of their way..." from Teddy Roosevelt (I believe).

[RobertSmalls]

It can be a huge relief to find your page in the DSM, and to finally understand why you've had so much difficulty fitting in all your life.

However, don't become complacent about it. You don't have to live like a textbook case of whatever syndrome. Learn the limitations imposed by your condition, and find ways to work around your shortcomings.

[blueflame]

Originally Posted by RobertSmalls

It can be a huge relief to find your page in the DSM, and to finally understand why you've had so much difficulty fitting in all your life.

However, don't become complacent about it. You don't have to live like a textbook case of whatever syndrome. Learn the limitations imposed by your condition, and find ways to work around your shortcomings.

I know many therapists that work within the framework of these manuals and DSM's. I consider most to be 'prostitutes of Babylon'. And I believe they to be somewhat cursed, for leading a blind man down the wrong path...

And if the problem/condition is not authentic to you.... but rather endemic within your culture? If society seems like a bunch of hicks, or many groups/forums/community backdrops seem to be preoccupied with silver back gorilla's fighting for domination?

Most gorilla's get on with gathering fruit, and leave the silver backs to fight it out. Unless your a secret closet wannabe silver back...he he he

Acute perception doesn't make you crazy. But it can drive you crazy if you let it. But usually because you are treated badly for stating:

"The emperor has no clothes"

[KITT222]

... As a self-proclaimed 'nerd' much of what they state is true of my junior high life. Or it was. 8th grade is the peak of it. 9th grade isnt even fairly comparable. Then, I was lucky if I could go a week without having someone on my back, and each week it was a new guy, or one week it would be a while bunch. I think I hit a spot where I just stopped caring. I let them belittle and lower me into a state where I was metaphorically in my own little corner, pushed there by those who wished to put me there. I spent hours on end in the guidance office, and missed several classes because I was so upset. Nobody wants to go through that, unfortunately I think I was the only one who had that going on, and as far as my knowledge goes, I am the only one. But I would always take advantage of my As, while they got jazzed about a C, I would put my paper up for them to see my A... Then as the old saying goes 'thats how the fight (against me) started' so as far as 'bullies aren't jealous' thing goes, its a load of mallarky in many cases. As I grew a bit more isolated, I started getting more humble, and stopped making an effort to save face. I stopped entirely, and just did my schoolwork. Oh yes, many still did badgered me. They through in irrelevant things that happened months and at times years ago! They did find my push, but they would always end up wit the raw end of the stick. So now here I am, I smart, happy, confident, (humble), freshman with a bright path ahead of me, maybe due to most of my bullies moving away(several just recently came back, but I've kept a low profile). I am waiting for the perfect time to give some of them the line 'Don't get any failure on my Mercedes(b/c most dont know what a hybrid is, I think its best if I dumb it down for them. I would never own a Benz.) when you give my kids their Happy meals' that I made up. And truth be told, thats where they are headed. Sorry world, these failures are your future. Sure, most are good kids who will end up getting 6-figure jobs, but lets just say the illegal immigrants now have competition for that drive-through position.

[gone-ot]

...nerds are like "social belly-buttons" -- there are innies (as in societies' 'insiders') and outies (as in an 'outy' nerd).

[blueflame]

Originally Posted by russel

It is widely known throughout time that the smart people were ridiculed and set aside because they think differently but its their acheivements that have made th world it tis today.

whats normal in social stanards? its set by the general public and the media. its sad that people are made to feel different but it can be a life lesson, i know i have used it and looked forward to the future.

Good for you with this message of hope! I suppose its a bit like untangling yourself from a bad marriage or leaving your home town hicks for the sophistication of the city... Its a shame that intelligent people suffering social isolation have to struggle for years, but then those who are **popular** and their gangmates are worse off in many ways

I feel Wikipedia is unkind to nerds.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nerd

20% of males in Japan are known as Hikikomori.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori
__________________

[Serafina_tikklya]

I survived school by "dumbing down" and becoming part of semipopular fringe group that was not comprised of nerds. Being female, it was even HARDER to fit in as an intelligent person. I think a lot of us dumbed down to fit in somewhere, although I went to a fairly upscale urban high school where some intelligence was valued, but not as much as money...

Unfortunately, sometimes I was exposed by the teachers. One the day the geometry teacher told everyone I was the only person in all his years of teaching geometry who scored 100 on the 1st quarter final. (part of the reason for that was that I was fairly naive to repercussions of appearing too smart!) Need less to say, the results were different for next 3 quarters' tests.

It was more important for me to be popular with some group than seem too smart. Although my close girlfriends knew I was smarter than they were, they really didn't know how much smarter. This was my way of protecting myself from being ostracized by my social in group.

Fortunately I could be a closet nerd at home. My folks never pushed me to make good grades and I was free to be interested in anything I wanted to be since I was not allowed to have friends over (my Mom worked fulltime and didn't want more kids around than three of us). I grew up in the 60s and not having a fulltime mother was an anomaly in itself.

In retrospect, it's too bad that I had to hide my intelligence from my friends-- I am not friends with any of them anymore. All of my long term friends I made in college, where my intelligence was valued by fellow students.

I hope that my young grandson who is both an athlete and a nerd at 9 will have a better opportunity to enjoy nboth his athletic abilities and his intelligence and interest in "nerdy" things as he grows up.