"Creepy old lady" at drugstore.

[All Darc]

Today I presenced a a anoying or even disturbing thing.

I was in a drugstore, and near the balcony a old lady (maybe near 80 years old) started to look at me direct, for a long time without blink, direct to my eyes. When I notice she was doing so much I looked her, in her eyes, to see if she stoped doing it at me, but she keept looking, and I asked as a gentleman with a interogation face: "Anything wrong ???" She said : Nothing wrong, and keept looking, and gave a small short laugh (not sure if as scoff or as surpise) and after some time stoped looking, but started again for a few more and quite. Then she took her stuff and moved away with her friend (also a old lady).
And no, she hadn't any sight of Alzeheimer.

I was a bit puzzled... What the heck she was doing and why ???
I use long hair, like was a vocalist in rock band. Maybe in my city there are a lot of ignorant people who found it weird, despite most be cowards and just make gossip about and lie. Since 60's many man use long hair, but still today people think it's something wrong,like man would be forbbiden to.

Or maybe this old creppy was just another idiot in my city with bad feelings against me due the incidente when I direct and fast ignored a paper notice some girl asked her friend to deliver to me. Maybe it's weird to you on USA and Europe to understand, but a lot of people got angry, very angry with me for this, while a lot of evil man who use women, cheat women, are saw as normal people. In my city, and probably in most of my country (Brazil), they think it's a nearly crime a man desided to be alone or rejected a women without had used her.

What pass in the mind of such old people?
Well, they are suposed to be more moralist than young generation. But what moralism is this where they "moralist generation" accept man who cheatin and act as cretins, using women as objects and discharge as a empty tin can of beverage, but they feel angry about man who refuse a offered/easy girl?

How can people be so irrational, so contraditory, so ilogic?
Maybe old generation women was nearly forced or almost constrained to accept horrible mans as husband, to mary young, and in a way to protect their minds, to feel some dignity, they believe man must be that way, otherwise it would be admit their life was subservient, not free, domesticated.

But a lot of young women also have these things against me, despite they be a generation quite promiscuous and cheater. It'sm like many women prefer or respects more cre...tin man than honest reserved man.

It's like the tale where a eskimo killed a anthropologist, who visit hin but refused his food (whale fat) and refused his wife (yes they ofered their wifes to guests).
Maybe it's remainders from the very old culture of "pay dowry", where the family of a girl gave money to allow someone marry their daughter, and where the refuse would be seen a large offence, like ofense to the ware in a bussiness.

Please tell if there is something even with 20% of such stupidity mentality anywhere on USA and Europe.

[slowmover]

Appear like the man you were born. Grooming and clothing. No ambiguity.

Or continue to attract undesirable attention from undesirable sexual partners. Your “display” is apparently humorous to some. That old woman no longer feels social pressure to hide her curiosity. I’ve seen that before.

Spare us the character versus appearance falsehoods. If you wish to go against the grain, expect that as you age you will have less energy to dissipate.

The problem isn’t the mirror.

.

[RedDevil]

It is impossible to present yourself in a way that is acceptable to all of humanity, no matter what you do, just as much as it is impossible to drive a car and never attract the ire of another driver.

But you can stop worrying about it. It is not you - it is them who have a problem.

[All Darc]

Clothing? Like formal, formality, correctness, like the impression gave by a man in a suit?
I didn't born with clothes... ;-)

Do you think my behavior and values don't fit to my appearance?

My city it's weird. 200.000 people, 4 or five universities (despite most not good), and people still have a mentality of country people from early days. Even people with education, and sometimes even people who lesson in colegue have some of these "daggers of the mind".

And some crazy one start gossip and creates cabsurd rumors, like a female dentist and Krav Maga fighter teacher, who in a very quite day, with very low noise on streets, a huge silence, gossip to her friend when both was passing by my side on sidewalk of a park: " Don't look at hin or you will fall in love for hin"
She uses to teach Krava Maga and so she shouts a lot, and forget to reduce enough her voice, forget to whisper low, when she gossip to her friend. This same Krav Maga woman other two earlier ocasions passed by me and had a strange face expression, like afraid or anxious a bit.

This crazy people it's like that, one start a complete absurd irrational gossip, and many others believe it. What will be the next absurd? Acuse me of withcraft or have supernatural powers??? I saw other girls passing by me and turning view to the other side, with a bit scared face. Others with a bit angry face.

I had a dizzness problem a few years ago, due a turbulent blood flow on ear, and lasted a lot of time, created a deep disconfort to me. Things was so bad that moving things in front, or people moving in front coming to my direction, would make me feel lose balance, even cars headlight moving, coming in my direction, and to reduce the balance loss I had to take away my view from such things, move head out. I'm much better today, but it was a hell to exercise, walking fast, during these dizzy times. But a lot of people started to believe I was being arrogant, moving view away from them. And after fast refuse the note paper sent by a girl (by her friend), in a dizzy anoying day bad mood, they imagine I was ultra arrogant. So all the girsl who flirted with me in the large park probably took the pain of the girl refused by me (and I don't even know who is the girl).

So maybe this "don't look hin or you will fall for hin", this gossip, it maybe could also be some crazy revenge strategy. Maybe they know more people will do this believing in some superstition near supernatural thing, than would if they just tried to make them angry about me.
Since I meet few people and don't know much people, people never tell me things, so It's hard to me to discover what's really going on.

So... Had the old lady at drugstore heard about the "don't look at hin" gossip ??? And laugh about found nothing, no "powers" to shake her nerves ?

USA people, when have problem with someone, tend to tell the problem, approach and tell, or even create a discussion or confront. But brazilian people are more coward, prefer to gossip and just that.

Originally Posted by slowmover

Appear like the man you were born. Grooming and clothing. No ambiguity.

Or continue to attract undesirable attention from undesirable sexual partners. Your “display” is apparently humorous to some. That old woman no longer feels social pressure to hide her curiosity. I’ve seen that before.

Spare us the character versus appearance falsehoods. If you wish to go against the grain, expect that as you age you will have less energy to dissipate.

The problem isn’t the mirror.

.

[All Darc]

Thanks. That's why I like this forum. Nice advices, good listening, wisdom.
Strange to found it within a thematic about cars, fuel, aerodynamic.

Originally Posted by RedDevil

It is impossible to present yourself in a way that is acceptable to all of humanity, no matter what you do, just as much as it is impossible to drive a car and never attract the ire of another driver.

But you can stop worrying about it. It is not you - it is them who have a problem.

[jamesqf]

Originally Posted by All Darc

Clothing? Like formal, formality, correctness, like the impression gave by a man in a suit?
I didn't born with clothes... ;-)

But the impression depends on the audience. In much of the US, the man in a suit is the oddball. In fact, "suit" is a derogatory term for management/executives types, or lawyers & politicians.

[All Darc]

I see.. I would had said formal clothes, instead of suit, like this :




But the problem of clothing & Grooming power for social acceptability it's that if allow a lot of "snakes" to pass a good image, to be saw as good guys.

Originally Posted by jamesqf

But the impression depends on the audience. In much of the US, the man in a suit is the oddball. In fact, "suit" is a derogatory term for management/executives types, or lawyers & politicians.

[RedDevil]

Yeah, Suit has a bad name. It doesn't suit well.

A formal hide can be quite toxic as well.

[redpoint5]

Why do you assume the old woman makes preconceived notions about you? Maybe she just looked at you longer than you'd like someone to look.

[All Darc]

It wasn't just look, she stare, direct to my eyes, and repeated two times after I polished ask if there was something wrong, and laughed a bit in low tone. It was weird.

I assume it could be something negative because I know how "natives" (all colors) plus incoherent are the people in this city.
Some old people also got angry about me when I direct refused to accept a note sent by some interested girl (by her friend) in the park where I exercise. The old people also repeted the gesture indicating I was arrogant.
I remmamber some old people, in some public exercise devices, droped the handle of the machine just to look at me and make the gesture to express they feel I was very arrogant.

I know the gesture meaning cause I remamber a guy and his friend, one commenting to the other that I was arrogant and he should make such gesture when see me passing by (he made ther gesture teaching his friend and laghing told hin to make it when see me). And in the apogee of this period, of people angry with me, I could count dozens of this gesture every day I went top exercise, and the people who made was increasing to get more outer of the park zone and growing to other zones, as gossip spreeded.
It's not any paranoia of mine, since this effect reached a maximum level and after some time start reducing. There still some of it, but a lot less.

Like I said, if I was a horrible man, a cret...in who cheat and use women as beer cans, nobody would be angry about, not even women, since a lot of guys who are like this have no problem. Women, old and even new, even some who post feminist facebook memes, have this absurd incoherence as a dagger encrusted deep into their brains, like a "Robocop directive".

It was so fast I assume they used facebook to spreed it. I remamber a women passed in front of me, at the time, and her back to me raise his iphone pointing the camera to me.

I remamber about four people who shout to me, 2 in the interval of weeks after the note refuse, and 2 later. One in a motorcycle, like a mad, first reduced speed, making the motorcycle near me in low speed, looking to me, and shouting asking if I was angry and saying I was a asshole. The other was walking in a park track a few meter away, and looked to me and shout "Look to me, I'm the perfect one, the very perfect guy, the big perfect...", refferinmg to me in a accusing way, and while the tracks (mine and his) got distant, he stoped, and when my track crossed his, minutes after, he started again.
In other ocasion two teens, one boy and a girl, started shout I was a shi...t, when I passed in front of them and looking to a store next side of the sidewalk.
Other, in another ocasion, shout I was a rascal and that I would move away.
Other person didn't shout, but one day I was with flu or alergy, and sneezed (achoo), and a few days later one guy look me and faked a 4 concecutive sneeze (pronouncing the word achoo) in a angry loud tone.
It was bullyng from angry people that I don't know. Some few agressive in shouts, and a lot just making gestures, like it was a fashion movement on internet, but a movement against reserved man who dislike a vulgar society.

My country are in sensitive political era, since impeachment of the president and countless corruption scandals, and society are splited in right and left wingers, or better saying, left haters and right haters. I presume some left imagine I was right wing because I was direct and serious (refusing the note) and maybe imagine racism (because the girl who tried to give me the note was afro descending), or right wingers imagine I was left wing and gay due long hair and refuse a girl. And even left winger could be angry because in their minds a short direct refuse to a girl it's sexism, a offense to women sexuality, a prejudice, despite a woman making 10x worse would be just a powerfull woman in her rights. I 'm know the left haters against me are from the university near the park, and I bet maybe even some left wing teacher incentivated they to do it.
One guy on a gym I also went years earlier, a teacher at that university, and he despite be left use to anoy me because I didn't wanted anything with anyone, he felt anoyded by my reservation. Left hypocrite he was, refered to women making a gesture of a pu...y using both hands, saying anoyed and loud to me : "Im talking about this !!!"
People are so much fake and hypocrity today...

Now think with me. If was the case of a comunity hostilize a women just because she turned down a man that she didn't even know, it would be a worldwide news, and feminist groups would make the hell out in protests and the city would be called New Afghan by the press.
But nobody care for man's rights. I care for women rights a lot, but women don't care for my rights.
Funny thing it's that horrible man here have right to be horrible, but I have no rights to be decent & reserved. It's like some seller offer me milk shake with many sugar, and if I refuse and said that prefer health fruits, and they start accuse me of have prejudice againt milshake or againt the seller, metaphorically speaking.

Originally Posted by redpoint5

Why do you assume the old woman makes preconceived notions about you? Maybe she just looked at you longer than you'd like someone to look.